I felt asleep during my MRI last night, it was so relaxing.

Dance the mad dance of frustration. I’m so sick of it. I can feel my frustration permeating into the rest of my job and my relationships here. I just hate being here sometimes. I feel like everything I ask for is like pulling teeth.

Why do I have to remember everything?

Why do I have to ask for everything?

Why do I feel I have to fight just to leave early?

Why do I have to fight through all this BS?

I ask for something and then he forgets that I asked and then it is surprised when I remind him of something. His jokes are so dry; I just stand there uncomfortably until he lets me know he is just joking. I can’t stand it anymore, I want to scream and yell and throw Jell-O around madly red, purple, lime, blue.

So I tried some new Yogurt yesterday but I am still so GD PO’d, sometimes I just can’t shake it.  It bothers me so much because this is not me, not who I am. I may poke fun or act weird or whatever but I am a peaceful fun loving giant. Take these broken wings and learn to eat them with buffalo sauce.

It’s not just now or not just then, it’s pin pricks over four years, it’s like being licked to death by a thousand kittens, sure its scratchy and cute at first but it turns into a death cuddle.