Dear...

...Sudanese oligarchic assholes,

    It has come to my attention you've recently arrested and charged a matronly British school teacher in your country for the perpetration of a crime most-heinous...that of allowing a seven year-old boy in her class to name the classroom teddy bear "Mohammed."  I've also noted that if convicted she could receive either a public flogging or a year in jail.

    This puzzles me.  You see, in America we also have micro-minded religious zealots that seek to create misery and heartache for people who don't agree with their views.  But we also have the freedom of expression.  That's what protects those very same views.  It also means that you can name a fucking stuffed animal pretty much anything you'd like without fear of some dipshit arresting you for blasphemy. 

    If it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd like to volunteer to take the 40 lashes in her place.  All I'll need is a couple of days notice and round-trip airfare...preferably at least business class...to Kahartoum. 

    And you better be sure to bring a reaaallly big lash.

Hugs and Kisses,

             Kwazy