Okay, well since my trial run at a blog actually worked, I wanted to put something up on here that I actually feel very strongly about. It may be old (3 years) but it's rare as hell for me to read an article and then immediately cut it out and save it. And pass it along. This is an article that was published in Details magazine in their June/July 2005 issue. It is written by a man named JONATHAN SABIN. And he puts into words (better than I ever could as evidenced by this blog's classless title) just how annoying and, ultimately, arrogant the whole charity wrist band thing is. Seriously, though I think he makes a very, very valid point.

Take it away, Mr. Sabin:

BAN THE CHARITY WRISTBAND

Go ahead - buy a rubber bracelet to support a noble cause. But wear that bracelet and you are promoting only yourself.

by Jonathan Sabin (Details June/July 2005)

It never fails. Just when it seems America has finally produced a virtuous idea, modern marketing and native bad taste turn it into pop schlock. When Lance Armstrong’s LiveStrong wristband – canary yellow to match his victory jersey – came out in May 2004, 5 million were sold (at $1 a pop) before the end of the summer. Today nearly 50 million are looped around self-righteous wrists as the cheesy trinkets metastasize like the cancers they’re supposed to help cure.

“It’s become a cheap accessory,” says Michael Bastian, men’s fashion director at Bergdorf Goodman. “Their initial message has just washed away.” Celebrities in particular have embraced the bracelets as an easy – and conspicuous – way to promote a suitably empathetic image. Unlike the red Kabbalah strings worn by existential naïfs like Madonna and Ashton, the wristbands broadcast social responsibility rather than spiritual self-indulgence. Matt Damon, whose chain-smoking could single-handedly subsidize Phillip Morris’ legal-defense fund, wears one; Armstrong’s crooning arm candy, Sheryl Crow, accessorized her banana-colored dress with a matching bracelet at the 2005 Grammys. John Kerry took his Band of Brothers motif literally by wearing one during his acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention (at least the guy is an actual survivor). Meanwhile. Those callous souls with bare wrists were treated worse than Ted Nugent at a PETA rally.

But now it’s not just Armstrong’s army – every plight had a bracelet to publicize it. There’s pink for women’s cancer (200,000 sold), red for anti-smoking (60, 000 sold), and olive green to support the troops (600,000 sold, though the soldiers would probably prefer an extra armored Humvee or two).

The trend has even caught on in Britain, where the government has distributed a million turquoise anti-bullying bracelets (Can you imagine a better way to invite an atomic wedgie than by showing up at school wearing a teal wristlet?). Even if you support some less marketable disease, like irritable bowel syndrome, there’s a Web site waiting to sell you an aphorism-printed rubber band too.

Anyone unfortunate enough to be suffering from one of these vulcanized ailments is of course happy when a little attention has been paid and a few more coins have been chucked into the hat, but that gratitude goes only so far. “They’re lame,” says testicular-cancer survivor Tom Green of the arm-borne scourge. “Nine out of ten people who wear those things don’t give a fuck about cancer.” Eugene Miller, assistant director at the Center of Philanthropy and Civil Society at the City University of New York, agrees that when they’re worn as accessories, “there is a line that gets crossed. People should wear it to show support for a cause, not because it looks good around their wrist.”

The problem is that we’ve become a nation of philanthropic exhibitionists. What ever happened to that quaint notion of anonymous giving? You contributed money to a charity, kept quiet, and enjoyed the satisfaction of having performed a good deed. Now, with so many people retailing their sympathies, does it somehow mean you’re pro-cancer if you decide not to wear your heart on your wrist?

The bracelet craze recalls the freedom-fried hysteria after 9/11, when anyone not proudly flying Old Glory on his lapel was suspected of harboring an Al Qaeda cell in his basement.

But at least someone is taking a stand. Hospitals have started prohibiting staff and patients from wearing yellow charity bands. It seems that they tag patients with bands of the same color and people are getting confused. The medical bracelets don’t stand for LiveStrong, though. They stand for "DO NOT RESUSCITATE".