Captain, We've Lost Another Toilet!

So I'm at BigCompany.com and there's something that's just been driving me crazy...

Who keeps DESTROYING the toilets on my floor?

I swear to god, every week we lose a toilet to the Masked Destroyer.

I go in to the men's room, I start from the back, toilet #4 (the handicap) is occupied, so is #3, dammit #2 oh, wait, #1 looks empty but... THERE'S A PLASTIC BAG OVER THE TOILET LIKE IT'S A GUNSHOT VICTIM AT THE MORGUE.

And that's when I'm LUCKY!

When I'm not so lucky I am greeted by a mess of toilet paper and feces that the Toxic Avenger would be scared of...

"Toxy, what's wrong, did Timmy fall into the well?.. no?
Did Bush do another lying press release...? no?
It's in the... bathroom?
Well let's have a look...

MARY MOTHER OF JESUS, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

WHAT THE HELL?

He obviously has to wait till he gets to work to drop "the bomb" because I'm guessing that ordinary residential sewage systems are no match for this scourge of the porcelain world.

Who is this masked and constipated crusader?

What does he eat?

I wonder, does he come from a different floor?

Is he one of us? Or is he upper management?

Why, oh, god why is he doing this to our poor toilets?

I'm thinking about putting fliers up on the entire floor listing the benefits of a cleaner diet and body, y'know eating veggies and SHITTING MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK.

Gross.

Man, I feel for the poor cleaning dude that has to take care of this every week. I want to get him a plaque or something.

I'm guessing there will always be someone like this.

...queue space travel music...

...starship floating through space...

...a scream is heard...

...bridge of starship...

...there is a loud computer beep and the elevator door slides open, the lieutenant rushes onto the bridge, he is sweaty and disheveled and obviously in distress...

Captain: Yes lieutenant?
Lieutenant: Captain, we've lost a toilet!
Captain: LORD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!!!
2nd Lieutenant: I'll have Pedro in engineering to clear it.

Gross. :(