Blogging? Seriously?

WARNING:  If you are easily offened then continue no further.  If you aren't a pansified, nervous chipmunk, then continue.

Blogging.  Bah.  I hate it.  Honestly.  Why would anyone give a shit about what I write or want to read it?  Is their life really that dull that they want to read about mine?  Furthermore, why would I want to read about someone's life.  Isn't that the purpose of a eulogy?  Short version is that I don't care about blogging.  Therefore my first, last, and only blog will be about non-blogging, or the more valuable things one could be doing instead of learning about my aunt's cat, or that a relative got shingles, or that my car is running just fine.

So here's some valuable shit you can do with your time instead of blogging or reading blogs:

1) Pick the lint from your belly button.  Yeah, we know there's more there since you hit your 40's.

2) Help your kid with his/her math homework.  If you don't have kids, you should be busy making them.  Or at least pretending too.

3) Drink a six-pack.  Enuff said.

4) Write a letter to your Congressman/Congresswoman and explain to them why they are a tool.  This shouldn't be hard.

5) Donate some time, money or food to an animal shelter.

6) Get involved with Adopt a Highway.  God knows there's enough garbage laying around to keep someone busy for months on some of our roads.

7) Go see a movie.  Any movie.

8) Clean up that garage.  You know your kids and wife turned it into a pigpen. 

9) Take a shower.  Shave.  Consider going to work, if you're still lucky enough to have a job.

10) Replace your regular lightbulbs with CFL's.  Insulate your home.  Reduce your carbon footprint.  Not the Al Gore way though.  Even though he invented that shit.

11) Volunteer at a school or church.  Unless your a backstabber or a liar, of course, and then you should stay put.

12) Masturbate.  Yeah, it really is a better use of time than blogging.

13) Get working on that "honey-do" list.  If you don't have a honey, then go find one so you can join the rest of us miserable assholes with a "honey-do" list.

14) Learn to cook.  It's better for you and your family.

15) Trim your pubic hair.  That shit only has one purpose, and I don't see how it is remotely attractive to any potential mate.  Plus it'll make your equipment look bigger anyway if it's hacked back.  For women the advantages are a clean plate.

16) Tell your boss to fuck off.  You know you want too.  Plus, some of us need your job.

17) Speaking of which, look for a job.  And keep looking.  And keep looking ...

18) Learn how to play Soduku.  You know you feel left out not understanding what the craze is all about.

19) Artifically inseminate some livestock.  Sure, why not?

20) Check the air pressure in your car tires.  Seriously, have you ever?

21) Tell the people on Facebook what you really think of them.  Especially your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend that keeps sending you friend requests after you totally ignore them.

22) Tivo/DVR that reality show for your spouse.  You know they want to watch this week's drama.

23) Play jokes on phone solicitors.  It really is good fun.  Like the guy that asked to speak with me last week, only to find out I died in a house fire.  Boy did he feel like an ass.

24) Socialize.  Why blog when you can tell someone face to face?

25) Learn Calculus.  If you know it already good for you.

26) Read some classic literature.  There really is a fucking universe out there other than American Idol.

27) Donate to Haitian relief of your choice.

28) Check out some of Morrison's poetry.  I mean - dayum.  That dude was on the serious drugs when he wrote that shit.

29) Plug in some good tunes and get on that treadmill.

30) Learn to play an instrument.  Any instrument.  Ok, except maybe the Oboe. 

Oh, and the MOST IMPORTANT thing you could be doing instead of blogging is:

GAMING

Now, who's up for some MW2?