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What Were They Smoking?

Mon, 01/28/2013 - 22:59 — Pulsaris

Hello friends of 2o2p!

I was working on doing a regular writing series on 2o2p called "What Were They Smoking?!" that was going to be a monthly look at some of the crazy games out there that were released the month prior. For some reason this writing gem doesn't appear to be published (again!). I blame the terrorists.

So here you go.. I really hope you enjoy it. And if you don't, pretend to like it and be my friend.

 

 

What Were They Smoking?!?!...... in December!
 
A long time ago in a demented writing brain far away I started adding a little award to my weekly releases that will remain in infamy. That award was the “What Were They Smoking?!” award. This award took the world by storm and it was everywhere: gaming sites everywhere, evening local news, movie sneak previews, and even autotuned on YouTube. After a terrible nightmare, I woke up with a purpose: to compile a month’s long look at games with ridiculous storylines, terrible ideas, and games that could only have been conceived with a concoction of “herbs and spices”.
 
Finger Flashing (PS3) This award winner comes all the way from the original Playstation and was brought back to the PS3. This action based puzzle game from Japan follows the wizard Poi, or choose her bazooka wielding friend Cikke as she heads to a wizarding exam. On her way to school, her route is infested with monsters. To rid the way of monsters, she uses her wizarding powers of rock-paper-scissors! Yes, that just happened.
See video
 
Cake Ninja: XMAS (DS)- It wouldn’t be Christmas without a terrible Christmas themed video game, and this is the “best” of those I found. This one starts with a common premise.. Santa Claus has been kidnapped and Christmas could be cancelled. A choir of “Oh noes” come from a few kids stuck having to play bad games for the Nintendo DS. But fear not, for there is a hero to save the day! The hero to save the day is none other than.... Cake Ninja? Was the Pie Pirate too busy?  Well one would think saving Santa would require some severe cake slicing, right? Well think again! The Cake Ninja slices snowballs thrown from gingerbread men. 
See video
 
Chuck E Cheese’s Alien Defense Force (DSiWare)- This game brings up the question “Did Chuck E Cheese’s sell its soul to the devil of terrible mini-games?” I think this game for Nintendo DS answers that question with a resounding “YES”! Here’s the plot: Aliens have invaded Earth. Well these aliens aren’t here to eradicate the species or steal our fossil fuels. These aliens are here to steal all of our pizza. Apparently we won’t be able to make any more pizza and someone must save us from our pizza being stolen. What better way to defeat these aliens than playing a carnival style shooting game!! Good luck convincing the aliens you won, because we all lose.
See video
 
Zombie Skape (DSiWare) No list from 2012 would be complete without a zombie game. This survival horror game follows Ethan as he aspires to be the greatest skateboarder of all time. One evening while Ethan was practicing, zombies appeared out of nowhere! Ethan now has to use his skateboarding skills to “skape” from the zombies (Escape... skate... get it?? Yeah, pretty lame). The gameplay is where this game is award worthy. Zombie hands appear at the bottom of the screen as the skater tries to avoid obstacles so he will not be eaten. Obstacles include zombie hands, manhole covers, spinning coffins and giant mutant pumpkins. Yeah it doesn’t make any sense, but when should logic play a factor in this game?
See video
 
Murder on the Titanic (3DS eShop) This Nintendo DS eShop gem could be James Cameron’s dream game. It starts of with the legendary cruiseliner known as the Titanic. The trailer claims that “It should have been a relaxing vacation...” but unfortunately something terrible happens. We all have heard the terrible tale where the ship hits an iceberg that kills practically everyone on board. This game instead would like to focus on one single death... a murder!! *gasp* Who could it be? Is it one of the crew? An uppity first class passenger or a waiter perhaps? Well be prepared to find the killer via the most foolproof way to find a murderer. Of course that method is a plethora of mini games!!! Games such as finding socks, snails or peas in a still photo to moving around boxes. If only we used these foolproof methods today we could catch a killer so much easier! 
See video
 
Dream Divers 2 (XBOX 360 Indie) Here is the perfect example of how to take a good idea and make it terrible. First good idea was to make the characters pretty women that would make the creators of Dead or Alive proud (they have huge....tracks of land). Then put those pretty ladies in bikinis so they can swim around in the water. If that was not enough, add an “air meter” that is nothing but a pair of cleavage with “AIR”. Game of the year material so far? Well this is where the beer goggles wear off. The object is to travel to reefs and collect various stars throughout the reef. Boring, but still not terrible game material. While the pictures of the ladies are quite enticing, their movement in the water is quite terrible. Does anyone remember those plastic scuba divers that would float around in the bathtub with some baking soda? Well the dream divers move around in the water like that plastic diver. If that’s not enough, theres a monster fish that chases the ladies around in the water that looks like a teenager boy with raging hormones. The music is pretty bad too. 
See video
 
Zombie Strippers Stole My Heart Then Ate My Brains (360 Indie) It is now time for the highbrow section of this month’s awards. This game comes from the Indie world of XBOX. Does anything else need to be said other than “Zombie Strippers” ??? Well for those of you that need a story(shame on you!), the main character is asked to be part of security for a stripper convention. Apparently all of the strippers are zombies and no champagne room for for anyone. Not a terrible idea, but the result is more than terrible. The graphics make games from the 90’s look like high definition. One would expect to see some skin from zombie strippers, right? Well, think again pervs! These strippers are clothed and have no desire to give your character a lap dance. Lastly, these zombies are the oddest sounding zombies I have ever heard. The sounds remind me of those little round boxes that would make a terrible kitten sound. Now imagine this sound over and over and over again. May want to keep your long lost dream of shooting zombie strippers in your sleep where it belongs.
See video
 
 
 

RL Update

Wed, 07/18/2012 - 20:32 — Pulsaris

Life outside of 2o2p has been very hectic, but definitely good. I have been training for a triathlon! I am 6 weeks into it and it has been going really well. Swimming has been my weakest event, but definitely improving. Cycling is my strongest event, but have definitely seen that I still have a lot of improving to do. 

I have lost 10 pounds so far and counting. I physically feel the best I have in years. Still have a long way to go. For anyone interested in doing a triathlon, absolutely go for it. It's hard work, but it's paying off.

Upcoming reviews/ plugs

Fri, 04/13/2012 - 15:04 — Pulsaris

Hello 2o2p'ers!

I've finally put my foot down and decided to start blogging more. I have made this comment more times than I'd like to admit, but I mean it this time!!! (my subconscious is saying "suuuuure ya are!").

Thought I'd share some upcoming things along the wire. The biggie- I somehow got invited to play in the closed beta of Diablo III. I am super psyched about this! I'm planning on publishing a "review" when I get enough play time in. Meanwhile, I'll be posting in the RPG forums about my observations in the game. I'll also answer any questions that you may have.

 

Also working on a review of the latest arcade fighter for XBLA- Skullgirls. I've played a lot of fighters in the past, but I'm more of a casual player than pro mindset. 

 

Now for some plugs- please check out the front page articles when you get a chance. My fellow writers are AWESOME and highly recommend their articles. Also, don't be shy... please post any comments- they do read them and appreciate your thoughts.

Also please check out the podcasts/vidcasts. Thick/Thin vidcast with Doodi/LB is great and lot of fun to watch. They do a live vidcast on Tuesdays at 4:45 EST. If you're able to check them out at that time, I highly recommend it. There's a chat going where you can make comments. If not, still check out the archived versions- good stuff.

Last but certainly not least- check out 2old2type podcast- with DSmooth and CodeMonkey. Extremely informative and highly entertaining. Definitely check it out.

No, nobody put me up to this. ;) Just wanted to share the plethora of stuff out there just for 2old2play members. The more people check out the stuff going on, the more the staff will do to make more content and make it better. Can't do this stuff without you, so share the 2o2p love around.

Until next time, take it easy.

Writing thoughts...

Thu, 03/08/2012 - 20:35 — Pulsaris

Well, it's been a few weeks as a staff writer for 2old2play. So far it has been really busy, but been quite a bit of fun. Thanks to everyone for reading and the comments. I know I'm still working on developing my "voice". I've tried to make my articles informative and entertaining. 

 

For those reading, as writer for 2old2play, we ultimately do this for the community. Any input you give is helpful. Anything you want us to write about or game to review, please let us know. I love 2old2play and want us to be successful for you. 

SSX Review is Up!

Mon, 03/05/2012 - 13:32 — Pulsaris

The review for SSX is finally up on the site... check it out. With the help of a fellow writer anotherdae, we tried a different approach to the typical review. Hope you enjoy!

Also, don't miss out on the chance to win an actual copy of the game, so go check it out!

Woot for V3

Thu, 03/01/2012 - 23:40 — Pulsaris

V3 is here!! Woohoo. 

 

I just want to take a second and thank all of those that have been working their behinds off on this. Obviously it didn't work as expected... that stuff happens. I know they've been stressed and have probably felt it from the ribbing that we gave 'em. I just wanted to express my HUGE gratitude to the guys (and gals) behind the scenes that made it all happen. You have my extreme thanks!

No, it's not perfect, but it'll all get worked out.  

 

Pulsaris. Sick.

Mon, 02/20/2012 - 20:49 — Pulsaris

The weekend started off pretty good. Ran a 5k in Blacksburg with Kasey. There were 400 participants... HUGE race. This was my first 5k of the season and it definitely showed... ran it in 36:01. It was a bit better than my first one last year, so that is a good thing. Unfortunately after all was said and done, I ended the day with a pretty sore throat. It's now moved into my head and this bug is winning despite my constant attacks with Ny-Quill and Tylenol Cold and Sinus. I have a mini-vacation starting friday so hoping I feel better by then.

2o2p writing news... approaching my "Old School Review" with a new outlook, thanks to Walladog. If I win an Emmy I'll thank you in my acceptance speech. :) 

2 weeks into the content team

Fri, 02/17/2012 - 23:16 — Pulsaris

It's been pretty fun so far. I've enjoyed being part of the team, even if I only written one article so far. There's lot of great opinions out there. Expect to see a LOT more reviews of games and content. For those that read my blog, please feel free to contact me if there's something you'd like to see. If there's something you see too much or too little of, feel free to voice that as well. The staff really wants to provide, and this content is for you to enjoy, so there's no reason why you should be left in the dark and not share your thoughts.

As for myself, my next article will be taking a look into a game of the past. How does this game stack up with our standards of today? Stay tuned....

Kasey and I went to see Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Apparently it's a movie that was based on a book. She wanted to see it because she's a big fan of the Academy Awards and Gary Oldman was nominated in the lead role. This has got to be one of the most uninteresting, self-indulgent, dry movies I have seen in a loooooong time. This movie got an 86% on Rotten Tomatoes... once again why I feel that %'s don't mean a thing when it comes to ratings. What was the movie about? I was kind of hoping you could tell me, because I have no freaking idea. All I know is that it's about British Intelligence in the 70's and Gary Oldman is a spy. There's a mole in the British Intelligence and they're trying to figure out who. That's about it. I was awake the entire movie trying to understand what I was watching. Things were happening that I was trying to comprehend. Some things I got, while most flew over my head and the movie never tried to explain what was going on or why they were doing what they were. It felt like I was watching a foreign movie without subtitles and I was just supposed to figure out what was happening. I also had absolutely no connection with the characters. All the characters could have died in a terrible boating accident and eaten by sharks (at least THAT would have been interesting) and I still would not have cared in the least.

All in all, Tinker Tailor Blah Blah Blah was a movie to be avoided.. unless you read the book and understood it. In that case, you can have my ticket. Those are the only people I could recommend this movie to with a clear conscience. Other than that.... avoid like the plague... unless you want to get a good nap.

Hello fellow 2o2p'ers!

I am one of the new members of the 2old2play writing team. I am really happy and excited to be part of this new great team. We had a meeting last week, and I can tell you that this is an awesome group of people that are very excited on taking 2old2play to another level. 

As for me, I have a lot of ideas (some good, some not so much)...  some of them incorporate the 2old2play community. From time to time, I may be asking for your input. I hope that for those reading this that you will take the time to share your input from time to time. Also, if there are any article ideas you would like to see, whether it be a review of a game or a topic you'd like to see covered, please let myself or another member of the staff know. I will promise you that I will at least make it known to the staff in our meetings.

That's it for now. I hope that I can do this site justice with the material I give.

 

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