The new game offerings this summer have been drier than West Texas in August. I don’t understand why we have a holiday season glut and a summer drought. If they spaced the new releases more evenly we wouldn’t be reviewing free to play shit games and DLC in July and August. Whatever, it’s over now and the gaming preseason is here, and it’s hotter than Derek Nolan’s basement on a Monday night. This week a planet gets misplaced for the third time, the Japanese make use of Roman numerals, an E3 favorite makes a killing, Madden assumes the position, and you’ll fall in love with the PSP...and die.
Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn
This MMORPG is set during the reconstruction period after the dragon, Bahamut, escapes imprisonment and wreaks apocalypse on the land of Eorzea. Players assume the role of the heroic Sarcasmo Jones, who escapes the apocalypse by using time travel. You could probably name your character something different if you really wanted. This one is both developed and published by Square Enix, so expect the story to make absolutely no sense and a cut scene or two. Available on the PC and PS3 starting August 27.
Killer is Dead
Suda 51 assumed the role of executive director for this spiritual successor to No More Heroes and Killer7. Players assume the role of a cybernetically enhanced hitman named Mondo, who is tasked with dispatching criminals and assassins with his sword and cyber-arm, which can transform into several different weapons. Players should expect things to get bloody in this game. Grasshopper Industries plays developer for Killer is Dead, but publishing was geographically tasked to several publishers: XSeed covers North America and Deep Silver takes care of the European folks. Killer is Dead arrives in stores on August 27, for XBox 360 and PS3.
Lost Planet 3
Billed as a prequel to the first Lost Planet, the third installment returns to the story driven narrative of the first game. Mechs play a large role in Lost Planet 3, but are used primarily as mining tools, so don’t expect the military style mechs from the first two games. Capcom plays publisher for this one, but farmed out development duties to Spark Unlimited. This third-person shooter hits stores on August 27, for PC, PS3, and XBox 360.
Madden NFL 25
25 years of Madden: same shit, new engine. Available August 27 for XBox 360 and PS3.
Sweet Fuse: At Your Side
Okay, this one’s a bit on the weird side. Keiji Inafune, the Mega Man creator, owns an amusement park that is taken over by a pig. It’s up to Keiji’s niece to save the day by participating in a deadly version of The Dating Game. Throw in some puzzle solving designed to test your deductive reasoning and hunky video game Abercrombie models and you have an interesting WTF game. This one’s a PSP exclusive, and is available starting August 27.