A tuna salad sandwich and black coffee is a perfect food beverage pairing.

Parakeets are “aves del diablo” and are not to be trusted with all that is good and virtuous.

We are all familiar with the legal phrase “facere in alios quasi parakeet facit ad eam amator” which translates roughly into English as “do unto others like the parakeet does to its lover”. This phrase alone has helped shaped recent challenges to the 2^nd amendment of the constitution. For many many years there were no gun rights for non-human mammals let alone our feathered friends but that all changed in 1960 in what is called the TM Aviary incident in Delaware involving a significant number of Orange Cheeked Finches. These lovable national treasures faced off with several disgruntled Air Traffic Controllers in what can only be described as a surreal battle of wits or a battle of nature versus Miller High Life. True the only crime was drunken disorderly conduct but from then on people who loved birds knew that not just finches but robins, blue jays, humming birds and yes even the ugly crow should have the right to bear arms and not just any arms but guns.

Soon, I am told this Hallmark case of avian rights will make it to the highest court in the land: The Department of Agriculture. We all know that’s where the real power is, not in some shabby White House, but in the hands of the bureaucrats who control the corn, cotton and cucumbers also known as the three C’s of power. Conspiracy theorists think that cotton farmers put down marijuana or hemp and lobbied for it to be illegal back in the 1950’s but in actuality it was the trifecta oligarchy of cucumber farmers, the original founders of the fabled Green Skulls secret society. It was their pact with the aliens that allowed Lincoln and Kennedy to be kidnapped and replaced with cyber robots and for what you may ask? What supreme technology did they get? Seedless cucumbers. SEEDLESS CUCMBERS!!!! Remember all tech level 11 science comes at a huge price, no matter how many people were saved by seedless cucumbers or how the infant mortality rate decreased because of this, when you give away your rights you sacrifice your freedom…it’s really quite the pickle…