Even Blonde Horses are Dumb

So....I forgot....while playing Red Dead Redemption I got myself a pretty palamino horse. Gorgeous, beautiful golden horsey with a platium mane and tail, nice trick of speed. Delightful. But what is a palamino after all....well....I'd say its a blonde.

Cause...

...when you're in a gulch and you start to run towards the way out and decide to whistle your horse to meet you at the gap....it races crazily up the cliff above you and you can tell by the erratic red spot on your map that its being...to be kind....stupid. So your wondering what an asshole horse it has to be and you decide - I'll whistle it again and it will get past its erratic confusion and find me....except.....its a blonde horse.

Shortest distance is between two linear points right? Riiiiight. Except a blonde horse can't do the math on topographical elevations. So said blonde horse steps off the edge of the cliff above you in reply to your whistle and winds up a horribly, crumbled dead mass at your feet. It was a bit traumatic at the time because the image of this pretty horse lying in a broken bent heap was totally unexpected and....ridiculous.

Blonde horses. Pfffftt.

A spouse of someone I know passed away. I went to the visitation yesterday. It suddenly struck me as I was getting ready to go that he was 78 and I am 50. Do I have 28 years left? Is that all? Less? Doesn't seem like much. It was weird to think about. I was also struck by how so many people would be going through the same preparations I was in getting ready to attend the visitation. I think I really first became aware of the process when my father died. So here I was again, selecting and putting out the clothes, the shoes, doing make-up and hair. The modest, understated but respectful representation and so many others were doing the exact same thing. And again I thought of the opening scene of the Big Chill and could hear "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" worming its way through my head. So strange.

My cat tried to get into my head on Friday. He was in the truck with us and we stopped off at the local hardware store. The hubby went in to get some he-man info from the owner while I chilled in the truck with my mini-lion, Asmodeus. He spotted the kiddie pools. You know the kind - round, shallow, hard plastic. There was a bright purple one with cute octopuses on it that seemed to particularly catch the attention of his green eyes. He stared at the pool and I knew what he was thinking "Mummy, buy me the pool" Me - "No", He - "Mummy, buy me the pool" Me - "Why?" He - "So I can goes swim-in" Me - "Cats don't swim. You're not even suppose to like water" He - "I likes water, I likes that pool." Me - "You have a bath-tub to play in" He - "Pool is better" Me - "Get out of my head" He - "Okays. But pool is better".

Yeah - so I have a cat that likes to go "wading" in the bath. He only likes it about 4 inches so he can play but not have to swim. He is stumped as to why he can't pick up things on the bottom but can move them with his paw. For this reason he prefers floating toys that he can push on the surface, making trails or little waves in the water. He also likes using his baseball glove balls to scoop up water onto the tiles so he watch the droplet trails. If he were not a cat, he'd be a scientist...or a surfer dude with my luck.

He makes a soggy mess in the bathroom when he gets out because he doesn't know how to shake himself dry. He is a cat, not a dog and only dogs have perfected the shake which would likely still leave a soggy mess in the bathroom but distributed more evenly. So because he is a cat he leaves puddles and pawprints and a dripping tail trail behind him halfway through the house. And he wants, I can't explain how I know it but I do,....a purple pool with cute octupuses on it. I am resisting getting him the pool but I have to confess...I've considered it. The reason is that sometimes when Asmodeus gets in one of his playing in the water moods - there is no water in the bath. There is however another available water source.....yeah....you don't want to think it....but yeah....its the toilet. Dogs will drink out of toilets. They may make horrible sloppy gulping sounds that announces the fact to your guests but they don't mean to, they're just...uh....thirty...or they may be sneaky drinkers that you startle occasionally and they give you guilty puppy eyes. Asmodeus, however, is a cat and so he rules the house as his jungle domain and has no concept that he should be ashamed to be discovered playing in the toilet when a guest needs to use it. Rather he is annoyed that they have rudely interrupted his playing. He won't play in the sink...it is the tub......................or its the toilet.

I am still wondering about that pool.

OH!!! Before I get flamed - I am a natural platium blonde - which only makes my post more bizarre, no? Tah-tah fans!!!