Can I call you Al, Alan Wake? *possible spoilers*

Oh my. I cracked the box on Thursday night...played on Normal mode....finished early Saturday evening. Say whaaaat? I played on Thursday evening, an hour on Friday morning, for a bit Friday night and then Saturday. Right before dinner, the hubby sits down next to me to wait for me to save and shut down...only....instead he got to watch the end. Yeah, THAT short. Sad.

My other problem with Alan Wake? Very predictable ending. Alice gets kidnapped and you see a scene in which she is being dragged down to the murky depths and I suspected the end. I say 'suspected' because....well, it just couldn't be that predictable...could it? Yes. Yes is could and it ultimately was and the further I got into the game the more I realized exactly where it was heading and the more disappointed I was in the ending. Understand this, it wasn't a horrible ending. Its just that I was disappointed that it was so obvious so early on - which kinda spoils it a bit.

See, my gut told me I was in trouble at the very beginning. There is a quote - from Stephen King. Huh? I am sorry. If I spent money developing a game with a main character that is a famous writer with writer's block - I'd come up with some profound quote of his....not Stephen King. Anyway. Seeing that quote gave me an "Uh-oh" moment and I should have known right then...uh-oh. I am not a great Stephen King fan. Personally not my cup of tea. I find his books too predictable. I will start and know exactly where its going, think "it could be different, with a twist" but no, it always ends just like I thought. So I don't read him anymore. Now his presence looms over me at the beginning of a game. Disappointment with a sigh and a head shake.A lot of people like that sort of story though...Mr. King is famous after all...however, I don't. I like challenges, not gifts I guess. But seeing that Stephen King quote and then having a premonition so early in the game of how it ends...I guess it all fits in some weird-not-paranormal way that it was predictable and no surprise when I finally got there.

I spoil movies too. Cause I have the same problem with them. My husband, luckily, thinks its remarkable but I don't really like it.

My major problem with Alan Wake wasn't that though. It is slow. I mean the physics. I would be moving too quickly, trying to kill too quickly and it was so sluggish in comparison to my thinking ahead. So slow for a 360 game. Its like it couldn't keep up with me so often I had to keep hanging back on the action. You can't get at it like you want to. Its like a body you want to sling over your shoulders and hump forward. The controls just aren't that tight. Not bad,  they're very simple but just not tight enough that you can go into a speedy killing spree. No. Nothing is fast. To its credit, it won't get all tongue tied over your speed and commit a glitch suicide or freeze up. Sweeeeet and thank you. Its frustrating though. You wanna sprint it and move and...no, no...can't do that. Just not engineered for it. Frustrating. Now, I did play it on Normal mode, I don't know if I played it on the higher settings if it speeds up any. Always a possible but....wtf?

And its dark. No, not scary gothic or satanic dark. I mean visually dark. I thought over and over again of the eyestrained blood red eyes I experienced with Doom 3 and Condemned: Criminal Origins. NO! Dammitt, Remedy! Maybe it is because I am an adult playing a Teen rated game that I am missing the experience. To me, darkness isn't scary or creepy, its maybe - cautious. Cautious isn't scary or thrilling for that matter. I expect things to "startle" me, more so in the dark. A  5 year old popping up suddenly and yelling "Boo" can startle me but thats it. Startling me, isn't scaring me. So, I fail immensely in games that use darkness because its soooooooo obvious that something is lurking right? Right. *yawn, zzzzz" A thriller aught to offer a little more. Its the aniticipation, the psychological torture and dread for me...darkness? Nah. Not so much. So its more annoyance when once again a game uses it.

Wait...maybe it is using it as a disguise. "Why Foxytrot, whatever do you mean?"

Remember Max Payne? I do. I love Max Payne. I go back and replay Max Payne on occasion. Nice, vintage game on my old xbox. Lots of fun. I loved the graphic novel effect. It was fun. Well, Alan Wake doesn't look much different. It has a retro xbox feel not a next gen graphic feel...not a 360 feel. I could almost imagine I was back on my xbox because that is what this game feels and plays like. It isn't cheesy exactly but something is missing. It is like between Max Payne, Max Payne 2 and Alan Wake - Remedy never got better. This reminds me more of adventure or hidden object games available online. The graphics don't suck - they just don't deliver for the price and the competition or for the capablity of the latest platforms. So take some so-so graphics and pit it all in a world you hardly have to colourize or fully light and yep....could be the darkness is a disguise.

Is there anything I liked? Yes. It isn't a bad game. It is very, very much a teen game so it has the right rating. Its humour is for the most part for the younger people, its storyline isn't quite anything new.  It actually has a comfortable feel because it is so familiar. Areas are extremely limited in how you can explore or interact with them so you stay on track with the story and don't sidetrack with quests. Sometimes, that is a bit disappointing but it is what it is. You can't really get lost. I think there are a lot of young people or young at heart who will simply love this game. Me? I guess I am tainted and looking for games to step up and impress me a little more.

Voice acting is good, soundtrack is very nice. It just always steps to the line but just never jumps over it. I don't know what that is, or why that is. Alan Wake was certainly in development for long enough to come out of the gate and bowl me over - so, I don't know if it has a problem. If I was 14, I think I'd love it. But I am not 14 so its not love, like, but not love.

Um, so that is all I have to say. I could say a lot more...but that is all.

The differences between Zombies and the Fallen: A retrospect from having experienced both:

1. I have always made the presumption that Zombies smell bad. The Fallen - not so much. Dead and rotting in comaprison to dark but surprisingly clean? C'mon. We know who stinks.
2. Zombies come in a variety pack of genders, backgrounds and racial groups (although Asians are grossly under-represented). Fallen are white males and primarily represent blue collar workers. Zombies dress in variety of colourful fashion. Fallen are all in the same hood, all shopping the same store. There are no fashion icons amongst the Fallen.
3. Zombies are relatively quiet, conversation is limited, dialogue limited to moans, groans or silence with the exception of Fallout 3 where a type of zombish humanoid are extremely articulate (must be the radiation effect). Fallen however, are chatty Cathys, dialogue is selfishly one way, naggingly repetitive and bordering on verbal abuse. They don't call you "stupid" but they dole out advice with such arrogant supremency that you know they're just thinking it. Loudly proclaiming "Shuddddup, I don't wanna hear about it" often precludes their demise - or - maybe that is just me.
4. Zombies are...messy. You have to hack them up, slash them to gooey pieces, smear them between vehicle and pavement, mush them with heavy objects, set them on fire (ok, that is more smelly than messy) and for all the blood splatter...one or all methods still don't guarantee they're dead...oops, re-dead. Fallen? Very clean. Shine the smallest flashlight and they 'snap, crackle, pop' in proud Kellog fashion. And at the 'pop' you shoot 'em dead and they....vanish. No gore, no guts, no goo. Simple clean slaughter. Oh that thrills the tidy housewife in me.
5. Zombies like finger food. They rip and shred you or simply knock you over to chomp happily on your brain. Fallen are sneaky bastards throwing sickles and knifes, usually when your back is turned and your cowardly running away...um...I mean looking for batteries.
6. Christmas lights will prevent a Fallen huggin' on yah. Might still throw deadly things at you but it won't be hump-loving on you. Whew. Zombies? There really isn't anyway to repel or gross out a rotting hideous ex-human corpse. Sorry.