If You Want The girl, Try These!

1. That shirt looks very becoming on you....of course if I were on you I'd be coming too.

2. If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me...Please??!!

3. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

4. Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.

5. Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes!

6. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

7. That dress looks nice....Of course, it'd look even better crumpled up in the corner of my room.

8. Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.

9. Pardon me, is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I keep seeing myself in your pants.

10. Hey baby, wanna sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up!?

11. Would you like to have breakfast tomorrow? Should I nudge you or call you?

12. (Check female's shirt tag)....Just as I thought, made in heaven!

13. Were your parents Greek gods? Because it takes two gods to make a goddess.

14. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

15. Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

16. Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time?

17. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

18. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to?

19. My face is leaving in 10 minutes... are you gonna be on it or not?

20. Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?

21. Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?

22. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?

23. I'm new in town, could I get directions to your place?

24. Miss, if you've lost your virginity, could I have the box it came in?

25. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you!

26. Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?

27. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

28. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No, huh...So you want to go somewhere and talk?

29. That's a nice shirt...could I talk you out of it?

30. (Female at the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Mind if I help?

31. That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.

32. Hey baby, you want to see something swell?

33. Hi, I'm conducting a feel test to see how many women here have pierced nipples....

34. Are you religious? Cause I'm the answer to all your prayers!

35. I love every bone in your body...especially mine.

36. (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.

37. Pardon me, are you in heat?!

38. Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.

39. You know, I never was to good at math...like if I put you and I together, I'd get 69.

40. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.

Blonde Invasion

By Request

Things People Sware On New Years

I will think of a password other than "password" or "hello".

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be more imaginative.

I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.

I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.

I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).

I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks.

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own).

I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).

I will find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that I purchased never showed up.

Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.

Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.

Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.

Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom.

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

HAPPY NUDE YEAR!!