BOOBS, NUTS, BEER, WEIRD, FUNNY, AND ONE PUSSY

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PICTURES OF WEIRD PEOPLE . . .



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NEWS FROM THE PUB

BEER AND SEX

A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.

"Carmen," she replied.

That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

"Beersex."

TRIPLE SCOTCH

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.

The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp. "Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened."

"Yeah it did," he said. "I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my best friend."

The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. "This one's on the house". The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife?

The guy answers "Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bags and get out!"

"What about your friend?" asks the bartender.

"I looked him straight in the eye and said BAD DOG."

BIG 10 INCH

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.

"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."
"Could I see him?"

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"

GOOD SAMARITAN

A man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He looks down the bar and sees another piss drunk man keep falling off his stool. The man finishes his drink watching the other man try to get back up on the stool.

Feeling sorry for the drunk, the man tries to stand him up, but the drunk keeps falling. The man thinks that this drunk needs to be taken home, so he finds his address in his wallet. On the way to his car, the man had to practically carry the drunk man.

After finally finding his house, the man carries the drunk man to the front door. He rings the doorbell and a lady answers. "Ma'am, your husband is drunk, so I decided to give him a lift home."

The woman replies, "Thank you sir, but I have one question...Where's his wheelchair?"

SHORT MAN

A short man walks in to the bar and begins to tell the bartender his story:

Well, he theths, I wath driving down thith country road, when I thaw a thine that thaid "horth for thale". I jutht happened to be looking to buy a thorth, tho I turned up the driveway to thee about it.

The farmer wath quite nithe about thowing me the horth, but I made it clear to him that it had to be a healthy horth, not jutht any old thag back. The farmer to me it wath a three year old mare. When we got to the horth, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth eyth, becauth I wath too thort. The farmer reluctantly picked me up to thee. I checked the hortheth eyth, and they theemed great, and the farmer put me down.

Nexthd, I athked the farmer to pick me up to thee the hortheth teeth. He wath even more reluctant thith time, but he did it. I grabbed the hortheth lipth, lifted them, and tapped on the teeth to be thure they we tholid. They were, and the farmer put me down.

We thtepped back thowards the hortheth hind quarter, looking towardth hith head, when I athked the farmer to thee the hortheth twat. The farmer grabbed me, picked me up, and thtuck me in the hortheth bum. Then he pulled me out and thtood me up, right at the back thide of the horth.

Well, I wath in thock. I wath covered in poo, and some got in my mouth. As I thpit it out, I thaid to the farmer, "Let me rephrathe that. Can I thee her gallop thlowly?"

LAUGH.......IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEX WORLD RECORDS

Have you ever wondered what other people get up to in their spare time? Why, competing in world sex records, of course. Here are some of the top guys and gals showing the rest of us how it can be done, should we care to try. There are also a selection of the weird and wonderful body parts and acts that have befallen our fellow men and women, and we've listed them all in our list of unusual sex records.  

Most children fathered

Moulay Ismail Ibn Sharif set this sex record in the 17th century when he added a whopping 1,042 recorded offspring to his harem of about 500 wives. He had been a busy boy -- what with all those

, births and, no doubt, a few funerals. If you’re wondering who this guy is, he was the second ruler of the Moroccan Alaouite dynasty. He is known as a great figure in Moroccan history, but not only for his contribution to the birth statistics; he contributed to the lasting respect of Moroccan independence. 

Amazingly, the woman to give birth to the most children was a peasant’s wife from Shuya (east of Moscow); in 27 births between 1725 and 1765, she expelled 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.  

The biggest and smallest penises

Barnacle, The Ocean

Because measuring penises is often hard to do accurately -- yes, we know you exaggerate -- there isn’t much reliable data on this topic for the 21st century. The most impressive medically verified penis sets the sex record at 13.5 inches (34 cm) long and 6.25 inches (16 cm) wide, measured in the early 20th century by Dr. Robert L. Dickenson (seriously!).

The smallest penis ever recorded sets the sex record at 0.39 inches (1 cm). There are a couple of conditions that can leave a man lacking so dramatically in his nether region. One such condition is having a micropenis, where most of the penis actually resides inside the body. The other is a condition called congenital hypoplasia, where the glans of the penis is attached directly to the pubis, so the shaft of the penis doesn’t exist.  

In the entire animal kingdom, the humble barnacle has the largest penis in proportion to its body size: A barnacle’s penis is 42 times its own body length. In second place, the Argentine Blue-bill duck has the longest penis relative to its body size. It has the added benefit of being shaped like a corkscrew, so it not only deposits sperm but helps to “screw” any other bird’s semen out. Considering most birds don’t even have penises, the Blue-bill is doing alright. 

Whales win the biggest awards, with Rorqual whales sporting 10-foot (3 m) long schlongs, which can be up to 1 foot (30 cm) in diameter. Hippopotamuses and elephants come in at a far second, with penises of up to 2 feet (60 cm) long. 

The woman with the largest vagina goes to a Scottish giant named Anna Swan. She and her giant husband had a giant baby together. The giant baby’s head was 19 inches (48 cm) in circumference. You do the math.   

See what other strange sex records have been set throughout history

Farthest ejaculation

The farthest male ejaculation ever recorded was 18 feet (6 m) and was achieved by Horst Schultz. The farthest a woman was recorded to

was 10 feet (3 m). The most ejaculations for a man in one hour is 16.

In other semen-related sex records, a woman, Michelle Monahan of L.A., swallowed 1.7 pints (almost 1 liter) of semen and had to get her stomach pumped -- she became the first person to have this recorded, and therefore wins the award for the woman to swallow the most

. 

The woman to set the world record for most sexual partners in one day shagged a whopping 620 men in 24 hours. A male

by the dubious name of Jon Dough was supposed to have sex with 101 women in one day, but only managed to do 52 -- he did the others two weeks later.  

Biggest orgy

A recent achievement for Japan in the world of sex records was achieving the biggest orgy ever recorded, with 250 couples going at it in an extremely orderly fashion.  

Youngest parents

Shaun was 12 years old when he got the world record for being the youngest father, but it is believed that there are younger undocumented

out there.

The youngest girl to give birth was 5-year-old Lina Medina, born in Peru in 1933. Incredibly this girl began menstruating at age 3, and despite being impregnated in the “usual” way, has never revealed who the father is. Her father was arrested and imprisoned on suspicion of incest, but was later released due to lack of evidence. The baby was delivered by caesarean because Lina’s hips were too narrow.  

Most penis removals

In 1300 BC, King Menephta came home from battle after successfully beating the Libyans. To celebrate his success, he asked his men to chop off the penises of each member of the defeated army. He arrived home with 13,000 penises. His ancient monument at Karnak has a detail of which penis belonged to whom -- Libyan generals, Libyans, Sirculians, Etruscans, and Greeks.  

breaking records

The world is never without weird, stupid or funny anecdotes and world records. Most of these sex records are unproven, but who cares; the fact that someone somewhere thought theirs was the biggest, longest, fattest, thinnest or ugliest brings a new dimension to the world of record-setting.

WHAT KIND IS IT??????????

Types of Butts

Need to describe your ass or someone else's over the Internet but want it to be visual? Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:

(_!_) A regular ass

(__!__) A fat ass

(__)(__) A "wide load" ass

(!) A tight ass

(_*_) A sore ass

{_!_} A swishy ass

(_o_) An ass that's been around

(_x_) Kiss my ass

(_X_) Leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) A tired ass

(_E=mc2_) A smart ass

(_?_) Dumb ass

(_Lame_) Lame ass

(_jack_) Jackass

(_-$_) Cheap ass

(_0_) A Prison ass

(_) Half ass

(®^®) Registered ass

(__|___) Lop sided ass

(_:_) 2 holed ass

(_O_) Cavernous ass (an ass that's REALLY been around)

(Mom)(__) Tattooed ass

(_)||(_) fudged ass

()() Ass print on a window

( * * ) Ass with dimples

(_X X_) A kicked ass

(_%_) An average ass

(_$_) A rich ass

[_!_] A hard ass