Life, The Universe, and 8am Sunday TV

So.... it's 8:16am... and I'm still awake.  I'm feeling extremely introspective right now... and just feel like getting things off my chest.

The past few days have been.... well... less than stellar... but at the same time, completely awesome. I met a new girl who I think is totally awesome... and who knows, maybe there is something more there than drunken conversations on her couch at 5am...  but in the same time period... pretty much lost someone in my life who has been a huge presence for 5+ years. I'm also rethinking a lot of things in my life. Getting back in to school has really changed how I look at not only my life, but the people I have in my life. I'm 28 years old... but havin spent about 10 years working and not really taking school seriously I'm getting back in to the swing of it and realizing that I quite often don't act my age... and don't feel my age. Most of the people I hang out with are 19-21 or so and I was really worried that I would be that creepy guy who hung out with all the college kids... but last night I had a real heart to heart conversation with a friend and was told that he, and several others, really enjoy having me around and that no... I'm not the creepy guy. A few weeks ago I had a girl look at me and go, "You're old," and it damn near brought me to tears...  seems a pretty stupid thing to get upset about doesn't it? Looking back on it(and knowing this particular girl) I realize she was drunk and is in general kind of a bitch.... but as gruff an exterior I put on and as care free as I seem to be almost all the time... I'm really insanely sensitive. I cry over movies(when alone), books(when alone), and so many other things....

So.... I'm actualy almost crying right now.... for all the things and people I've lost... for everything I wish could be experiencing right now.... and for so many reasons I doubt I could ever explain to anyone who isn't inside my head.

I know that no one on this site will probably care about this... or hell, even read it. But I needed to put it somewhere and wanted to do it somewhere that certain people would never ever read it. It's cathartic....  and I don't care what anyone thinks.

Back to crying and watching whatever is on TV at 8:42am on a Sunday.

Posted by Pooka @ 9:43 am EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

things about which I am thinking

Well, I'm quite possibly going to be looking to get a new job soon. My brother's friend works for this place, and I'm going to see if I can get a job there... it's $33/hr.... $49.50/hr on Saturdays, and $66/hr on Sundays. It's hard, back-breaking work... but I could really use the money, and honestly it can't suck much more than my current job.

Anyways... just got back from the family reunion, and I realized that I hate a good portion of my family.  Oh well, I hardly see them so it's okay.

Posted by Pooka @ 2:05 am EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

Things are really looking up.

So... I started a new job last week... and I'm about 1000 times happier now. It's doing stuff I enjoy, with people who don't suck. Also, my girlfriend and I started going to see a therapist together to work on some issues we've been having... and that is ALSO going really well. Even if I did almost cry the last time we went. She also started her new job... so now we have even more stuff to worry about(like our beautiful puppy, and what he is going to do all day)...

In other news, my grandfather passed away on Halloween... it was hard, but it was expected... and better for him. He had Alzheimer's and was constantly getting sick... so he's in a better place now.

 

Not much else... got my Wii & my PS3... played my Wii... PS3 is in the box awaiting the perfect time to ebay it.... Love the Wii. The PS3 I played at Circuit City *really* did not impress me. Like... seriously unimpressed. Glad I didn't buy one for myself.

That is all really.

Posted by Pooka @ 4:42 pm EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

And thats the way the cookie crumbles

So my girlfriend finished school yesterday... the graduation ceremony isn't until december... but she's completely finished with everything. I'm so proud of her... it's been a long hard road... but she did it. She's now officially a college graduate and can start doing her graphic design stuff for real now.

AND... she has an interview next friday. I'm so happy. She put tons of work in to this, and now it's starting to pay off for her.

However... now I kinda feel like an idiot. I don't have a college degree, I have a fairly shitty job, I have no real prospects... and honestly don't know if I'm ever going to finish school. I sometimes look at my life and wish I had done things differently... I kinda wish I'd tried when I was at the University of Maryland, not gotten married so young.... I don't know. I just feel like my life is amounting to absolutely nothing, and that it is too late to change it. I don't know if college is the way to go for me... I'm not real good in a classroom environment. I know I'm smart, and I know I have the ability to do the work, but I just can't seem to operate in a class setting. At my job I have no problems learning stuff and working hard... but put me in a class... and I'm going to slack off, not pay attention, and most likely just stop going.

In my eyes my life is really pretty much worthless at this point. I don't do anything except work(at a job that sucks) and play video games(that i'm not that great at) and occasionally do stuff with my girlfriend. It seems like I'm just circling until I figure out what to do with my life. I know I'm still young... but I've been "circling" since I was 18. Thats 8 years of not knowing what to do with my life... I'm sick of it... but I can't break out of it. I don't know what I want to do. I don't even have the slightest hint of what my future is going to be...

 

I'm just really depressed right now... I feel like my life is never going to go anywhere and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Posted by Pooka @ 5:11 pm EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments

work sucks.

So yet another person got fired at work today... that makes 3 since i've been here. Our supervisor put in his 2 weeks last week, so he'll be gone soon... that means we'll have like... 4-5 people working customer service for 2 countries.

Thats right... 4-5 people. This is ridiculous... oh yeah, AND we will have 0 spanish speaking reps now. How much does that suck? A lot. Don't even get me started on the fact that we haven't had a french speaking rep since i've been here...

Well.... things could be worse... I could've gotten fired.

Posted by Pooka @ 6:27 pm EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments