1977 Revisited

I got this yesterday through another family spam mail and just had to share.  I was crying, I was laughing so hard at some times....

This is taken word for word from an email I received yesterday.  Apparently someone came across an old JcPenney catalogue and posted some pics with some pretty hilarious captions in a blog somewhere.  Enjoy!

"I thumbed through the catalogue quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels"

"Also, I am totalling getting this for my bathroom"

Moving on to clothes:  "Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school"

"Just look at that belt.  It's like a boob-job for your pants.  He probably needed help just to lift it into place.  The belt loops have to be three inches long.  And way to pull them up to your armpits grandpa"

"Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school."

"This kid looks like he's trying to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop, who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone already knows is an undercover cop, who is pretending to be 15."

"Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course."

"This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house.  Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block.  Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as in one piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass rapery."

"How to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere."

"If you look at this picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket.  In this case, although you can tell just by looking at them what happened - or if it hasn't happend it will.  Oh yes.  It will.  As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup."

"Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach."

"He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know its probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in his holster."

"Here's how to get your ass kicked in a meeting."

"If you wear this suit and DON'T sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination.  Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit."

"How to get your ass kicked every day up to and including St. Patricks Day."

"Dear God in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature.  There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless your wearing these as a bodyguard for  the Lucky Charms leprechaun."

"In this next one, Your Search for VALUE Ends at Pennyes."

"As does your search for chest hair."

"And this -- Seriously.  No words."

"Oh, wait, it turns out there ARE words after all.  Those words are WHAT. THE. F*CK.  I'm guessing the snap in front gives you quick access to chest hair.  The little tie must be the pull tab."

"Also judging by the sheer amount of matching his/her outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike.  These couples look happy don't they?"

"I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best".

"And nothing showcases your everlasting love than the commitment of matching bathing suits.  That, and the blonde girl with a look on her face that says, "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

"Then after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits."

"I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time.  I think its the colors.  That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers.  Man that's sexy."

Happy Friday!