COLLEGE BOUND

For some reason my College entry submission didnt fly....hmmph, uppity staff/professors!

Q. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?


A.I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Hell?

Found this posting and thought I would share, even though I dont believe in "hell". ;-)

Hope some folks here enjoy the humor in my posting it tho! (if not at least laugh that

I cant figure out how to center or preview, etc. my blog posts-lol)

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The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands

 and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at

which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely

assume that once a soul gets to Hell , it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how

 many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since

there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,

 we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the

number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume

in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the

same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature

and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and

pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in

 Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number

 two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary

of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is

therefore, extinct..... Leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,

 last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Update

Well, pretty much good news on most levels-imo. First off my little

girls seem to be unaware of their Mothers apparent suicide

attempt (she still wont directly say thats what happened), which is

good. They wouldnt understand this and no reason for them to

know at this time. My X and her new spouse have beem in marriage

counciling for a few months and not going well. After this episode

she has been in a different type of counciling/therapy which revieled

a LOT!

At this point the diagnosis is they are going to treat 3 different problems,

she has OCD-obsesive compulsive disorder, ADD/ADHD attention defecit

disorder/attention defecit hyperactivity disorder and PTSD post traumatic

syndrome disorder. The first 2 they are already treating with Valium and Paxil

which she told me today are working well. Next month they will start her on

another medication for the PTSD and see how they interact together. Hopefully

this will keep her in check and more stable, I feel bad for her and how this has

affected her present relationship but I'm optomistic about the future for them.

I always knew she was a great person even though her past was pretty rough, I

 thought most of it was behind her and admired her for overcoming it(I thought).

Thats where the PTSD gets recognized, she was molested at age 11 by her Uncle

that then went and raped her Grandmother-stabbed her 7 times and left her for dead.

The Grandmother survived(mostly) the Uncle went to jail but was released about

3 years ago, that really sucks! At the same age 11 she was introduced by her parents

 to cocaine which she dabbled with until about 18/19-you can actually see some

 under her nose in her senior picture.

She has always had my full support and still does, she's really a great Mother and very

protective. I will step in though if any of her conditions cause an unfit situation for my girls.

On the brighter side, our 20 year old Kindra is getting married Nov. 15th, she's a very happy girl!

Beyond Stupidity

Sunday 4pm I call my oldest son to check about our tenative dinner plans.

Say Kyle are we on for dinner? Sorry Dad I'm at work, I got called in. Oh thats

ok bud, just checking as its about time to bring the girls home-thought

we might go from there. Oh, uhhhh Moms not home, she "swallowed a bunch

of pills" and is in the hospital. Hmmmm I will keep the girls and check with your

big Sister to see whats up. Ya WTF is up???????? Of course I kept the girls for

another overniter which is totally cool with me and got them up early to take them

across town to school. Just told the girls their Mother was "sick" and they were concerned

but ok, dont think 6year olds need this reality check. After talking with my Daughter (20 in 2 days)

the story she is getting is her Mother took a bunch of tylenol pm, not sure what "a bunch is"

but would seem like a retarded amount to land in the hospital. this shit better get sorted out

or theres gonna be one helluva custody fight for my girls. I cant even think now I'm so pissed.

R

A Necessary Evil???

Certainly I'm not the only one on the site that really dislikes Walmart (hate is a strong word but may apply).

This does raise questions for myself, like why? Price, no-they usually have some of the best prices on items.

Convieniece, no-damn theres a Super Walmart 4 blocks from my house, that rules out selection being a problem too.

Employees? Well you have to be careful to not offend people here, I'm sure most have a relative in some form that

works or has worked there (and likes it). I didnt know any until Darth_Chibius took the job as the wardrobe and hygeine

director for the greeters. Bravo Darth, much improved! I really havent had any employee problems, other than trying to

find one when you need to get a popular item thats not displayed other than 12 feet high on a shelf. Whats up wit dat?

Man their return policy is very liberal, pretty much dont need a reciept to return most items. They do have really crappy

gaming acc. and supply area, definately points deducted there, eh?

It seems odd but I will drive miles out of my way and usually pay more money to avoid going there.........strange.

Maybe others can give their reasons but I think the #1 reason I dont like Walmart is: Checkout. After following the male

ritual of wandering aimlessly around their store, covering much of the same ground far to many times and being there

15-45 minutes longer than you thought it would take-you approach: THE CHECKOUT LINE. Yes this is the part that urks

me, 50 freaking check stations- and 5 are open! You people are retards!!!!!!!!! I guess having the largest profit turned of

any company last year (or some statistic like that), profits are met by conservative labor application. *sigh*

sorry about he cobbled sentences, I suck!