He11vis

Name: He11vis
Joined On: Jun 28, 2008
Maintag: 360=He11vis / PSN=He11vis_01
Age: 35
Occupation: Project Manager
Location: Houston, Texas
Currently: Offline
Last seen: 7/6/09

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04/15/09

Tea Bag Parties

I have not written for a while but I just watched CNN's coverage of the Right Wing Tea Parties that are going on and I can't stand it. These are some of the most racist, bigoted, ignorant, uneducated, pieces of shit I have ever seen.

For those who don't know Tea Parties are gatherings that have been strongly promoted by FOX News and are being paid for by rich corporate assholes. The premise is that the rallies are a way for Americans to fight against unfair taxation, but looking at all the rallies - taxes are not even being mentioned. It is all about hate and stupidity. It is Obama Bashing at it's finest. These are the same geniuses that thought Sarah Palin would have made a good VP. She might be a great fuck but if she were VP... "we the people" would be the ones getting fucked. Anyway, the schizo paranoid Glenn Beck and his retarded brother Sean Hannity have been pushing this event for weeks, trying to drum up support. When the question of who picks up the tab arose people discovered that the same corporate crooks who hide their money in the Cayman Islands now want to rally against unfair taxation. Those rich pricks don't pay their fair share and they have convinced normal, hard working Americans to do their dirty work. It is sick watching those Right Wing Zombies follow their corporate masters will.

Aren't these the same jerk offs who told us it was wrong to talk shit about Bush, even though he is a war criminal? But it is ok to have pictures of Hitler with Obama's face superimposed? Huge posters that call Obama a fascist? I guess "respect for the president" doesn't apply here. Sorry but most Americans give your party the middle finger and said "no more" to right wing BS. Conservatives better cut this stupid shit out real quick if they ever hope to win another election. The Republican Party is becoming a fringe group of nuts. Time and time again polls show that Americans want universal health care, they want to lessen taxes on the middle class and increase them on the upper class, they want social security to continue, they want education to be subsidized with our tax dollars, things that affect us in everyday life, not wild paranoid speculations from some toothless hillbilly government hater. So while ultraconservatives fight against "faggits, atheists, and coloreds", the rest of us will continue working on real issues as we try to make this country a better place.

Posted by He11vis @ 2:42 pm EDT | Permalink | 15 Comments

03/30/09

Wrassle-Mania Review

I have a guilty pleasure that I must admit. I love old school wrestling. Not the new WWE stuff, that is just junk. I mean the good ol' AWA, WWF, WCW, UWF stuff. The guys like Stan Hansen, Paul Orndorff, Scott Hall (when he was white), Bruiser Brody, Abdullah the Butcher etc… the guys who were so fake and ridiculous you had to love them. That is why it is with great pleasure that I purchased WWE Legends of Wrestlemania. I loved the WWF back in the day. Those were good times watching Saturday Nights Main Event with my brothers. We loved seeing the latest drama unfold before our eyes. The feuds, the pageantry, the fake blood, the over the top personalities. And now I get to relieve it all with Legends. It is so cool to see Rowdy Roddy Piper, Andre the Giant, Big John Studd, Hawk and Animal, all the old guys that made wrestling enjoyable. I can even get down with a little Stone Cold and The Rock action.

Most kids or non- wrestling fans will probably give this game a thumbs down. I mean it is nowhere near as awesome as Resistance 2 or Call of Duty. This game is pure nostalgia, nothing more. Yes, it is white trash and yes it is for toothless hillbillies but once you see Hulk Hogan run in with his theme song blaring, you can't help but smile!

Posted by He11vis @ 1:27 pm EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments

03/27/09

Vandals Should Die A Slow Horrible Death

So last night I am dropping my son off at his mom's house after my visitation and some idiot decides it would be a good idea to vandalize my precious, precious truck. I am in the driveway telling my son goodbye and I notice this truck slowing down, then I see some punk roll down the window, pull out something that looks like either an aluminum bat or shotgun barrel and then hear a loud exploding sound. Now my baby's momma doesn't live in the best 'hood so I think - drive by. I grab my kid, duck down, and then hear the truck speed off. I tell my boy to grab mommy's hand and to go inside her house. Then I run to my truck and see my driver side mirror shattered and demolished lying there on the street. That is when the high speed chase begins. I am darting in and out of the neighborhood streets, honking and flashing my lights, but the punk ass apparently went to gang bangers driving school because he is pulling in front of cars, weaving around traffic and I eventually lose him. DAMN! He had no lights on his plates so all I know is some Mexican guy in a white truck hit my mirror with a bat... doesn't make for much of a police report. Normally these gang banger punks have a dead giveaway on their vehicles but I have to get smacked by the one truck in the neighborhood that doesn't have the criminal's last name stickered on the back window in Old English lettering.

I then have to suffer through the agony of driving back to baby momma's house, calling my insurance, and then picking up the broken pieces of my mirror. Next I do my best version of duct tape body repair. My perfect truck now looks like something from Sanford and Son with ugly gray duct tape wrapped around the mirror, holding the shattered parts together. Did I mention that I love my truck? It is a super awesome 2004 Ford F150 XL with custom exhaust (Magnaflows), cold air intake, stainless steel running boards, Polk speakers, etc… this was the first year of the new body style, this is a good truck. Now just because some jackass decided it would be funny to be a drive-by vandal now I have to shell out the cash to fix my baby! Not a good night for me.

The only thing that brought me joy was thinking what I would do to those jerks if I caught them. I imagined pulling their fingernails out one by one, shoving a hot poker up their noses and other orifices, jamming the broken glass into their eyes, anything to remind them that it is a big 'no no' to mess with a man's truck.

I guess that these hoodlums never had parents to teach them the basic rules of scoiety: don't steal, don't trash other peoples things, and every time a criminal vandalizes a car, a baby rabbit is eaten by spiders.

Posted by He11vis @ 1:35 pm EDT | Permalink | 5 Comments

03/26/09

Crazy Cat Lady

I am sure you have all heard tales of the crazy cat lady. You know, the weird lady who has an unnatural obsession with felines. It appears my neighbor suffers from this disorder. Let me give you a little mental picture here. She is not the typical nut bag. She is relatively attractive for an insane person. Looking at her from afar one would think she has a boyfriend/girlfriend/stalker. She seems perfectly normal. She wears really cute clothes, nice heels, the whole nine yards. Then she opens her mouth and the crazy runneth over.

There were warning signs from day one. When she first moved in she left all of her stuff in boxes outside my door. The stairs are near my apartment and she decided to stack all her junk and take the boxes upstairs one by one. I saw her collection of books spilling out of one of the boxes and noticed titles such as "The Holy Blood Covenant". That was pretty weird but hey, all I read are Playboy's and Game Informer so who I am to judge? About a week later she appears out of nowhere to say hello to me. It was a Sunday morning and my son and I were outside basking in the warmth of the sun. She introduced herself and asked about my wife. I told her I don't have a wife and she said "What about that girl I see you with?" When I told her that was my girlfriend she gave me the weirdest look and then just walked off. Not another word. Uh, ok.

Ever since then she has refused to talk to me. I started to wonder what it was. Maybe she was being judgmental because of that one time I was on the patio having wild drunken sex with my hottie at 3 am. Maybe she didn't like me yelling out obscenities while I sprayed my man juice all over the place. I couldn't figure it out. But whatever, to each his own.

Then it started getting really weird. She started dressing like a lunatic and walking around at night. She wears this dark jogging suit, a baseball cap very low over her eyes, and sunglasses… at night. She looks like those celebrities that want to go to Whole Foods without being recognized. But there is another accessory that she carries with her each and every night as she wanders aimlessly around the park area. Ready for this? She has in her hand a leash, and on the end of this leash is a cat. Yes, a freakin' cat. And not just any cat. Apparently this cat speaks English because she talks to it constantly. The same woman who refuses to talk to me spends hours talking to a four legged fur ball. And the conversations are classic. Last night her and her cat 'Sunshine' had a chat about spiders and how they hurt cats and how fast they run and how many legs they have and what color they are and blah blah blah blah blah… wtf?

So now I am faced with the fact that when given a choice between saying hello to me and yapping it up to a freakin' cat, I lose. The kooky cat chick would rather talk to a cat about spiders then bear the agony of giving me the courtesy 'hello' wave when I get home. It's pretty bad when even the crazies avoid you. I was thinking of dressing as a cat for Halloween, at least then I might get a scratch behind the ear and a can of 'Friskies' out of her.

The good thing is that at least now I have something to look forward at night. My GF and I sit there on the patio just waiting for her to appear... kinda like Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin. It makes for very good mocking when there is nothing on TV and I am tired of leveling up guns that I hate on COD.

Posted by He11vis @ 12:23 pm EDT | Permalink | 12 Comments

03/25/09

Stupid Parents = Stupid Kids

My son goes to a private school for rich punks in a rich neighborhood. Luckily his mother is a Pre-K teacher there so he practically goes for free (besides, there is no way in hell I would pay $1,200 a month when my tax dollars already pay for public schools). Well, my son has decided that school would be the best place to try out his mad dictator impression. His school must be a portal to another universe because what happens in Pre-K, stays at Pre-K. When he is with me he is the perfect child. He uses his manners, he says yes sir, he cleans up, he plays quietly with his toys, he does everything right. It is a rare occasion where I have to actually give him a consequence, most of the time I am just shocked that he is so good. But the second he walks into a class all hell breaks loose. He curses, he hits the other kids, he hits the teachers, he is basically insane.

The school director signed me up for a Parenting Class because she felt that this would help my son become a normal functioning member of society instead of a hardened prisoner on his 4th go round in the big house. I told them a 1,000 times that I don't have any problems with him but they pushed forward thinking that my love blinded me from seeing the truth, that from 9-5 he is an obscenity spewing heathen. Now I am not stupid, I have seen him do things when he thought I was not looking, I have caught him doing bad things before, but the second he sees me he is instantly changed and gets his little ass back in line.

Anyway, the class is filled with people who should never have mated, much less produced offspring. Some of these women were so annoying and whiny I was shocked that any man would willingly put his wee wee in her hoo hoo. How the hell did they get past the squeaky voice and the constant bitching? These hags went on and on and on about their half-wit kids and the stupid shit they do. Of course rich white people have some mental defect where they name their kids the most idiotic names in a futile attempt to sound unique. The reality is that they end up sounding like future gay pride parade cheerleaders. Holton? Rhyder? Cardigan? Champagne? Precious? Brayden? Brooklyn? Those are not jokes, these are actual names! How much weed do you have to smoke to make you think that's a good name for a kid? Do you want your kid getting his ass kicked on a regular basis? You think some woman is going to look forward to yelling out "Yes, Holton! Give it to me Holton! Harder, Holton, Harder!!!"???

These parents made me feel like Super Dad. Their kids were disrespectful, annoying, controlling, spoiled punks. I guess when you are forced to go to Milan instead of Paris for the family vacation it can lead to all kinds of trouble. These Richie Rich's were obviously smart enough to get a job somewhere but too stupid to realize that kids aren't supposed to eat candy all day and go to bed at 2 am. They let their kids throw wild tantrums, throw food on the floor (the maid must hate them), run up and down the stairs at all hours of the night, and a bunch of other shit that just don't fly in the He11vis household.

We all know that money can't buy you love, and now I know it can't buy you brains either. The scary part is that these privileged pricks will someday be our Senators and Mayors. My son may be a wild man, but at least he knows that I am the boss. He learned the lesson a long time ago. To paraphrase Jim Croce 'You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Dad'.

He11vis out!

Posted by He11vis @ 1:30 pm EDT | Permalink | 6 Comments

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