Blimmer

Name: Blimmer
Joined On: Feb 21, 2008
Maintag: Blimmer2007
Age: 37
Occupation: Cannon Fodder
Location: Bridgwater, UK
Currently: Offline
Last seen: 1/6/10

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05/18/09

Funny!!!

MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD IN NEWFOUNDLAND

"Hello is this the Police Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbour Jack Murphy......He's hidin' Marijuana inside his firewood. Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiding it there...Shit loads of it!!"

"Thank you very much for the call sir."

The next day 12 St. Johns Police officers descend on Jacks' house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no Marijuana. They sneer at Jack and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Jacks' house.

"Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd, did the police come round?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday Buddy!!"

(Newfoundlanders know how to get'er done!!)

Posted by Blimmer @ 10:27 am EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

05/15/09

Randomness!!!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

Posted by Blimmer @ 4:04 am EDT | Permalink | 1 Comments

05/08/09

Engineering Vs Management?

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me sir, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.'

The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must be an engineer,' said the lady balloonist.

'I am', replied the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well, answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more.'

The man below responded, 'You must be in management.'

'I am,' replied the lady balloonist, 'but, how did you know?'

'Well,' said the man, 'You don't know where you are, or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air within. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems.'

Posted by Blimmer @ 5:37 am EDT | Permalink | 5 Comments

02/04/09

A Husbands Revenge!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9VzZ4gUgVo

Posted by Blimmer @ 3:39 am EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments

01/28/09

Interesting Story I read today!! (What a Pratt??)

A Pennsylvania man is languishing in county jail after he and his wife withdrew more than $175,000 erroneously credited to their bank account and legged it to Florida, AP reports.

Randy Pratt, 50, and missus Melissa, 36, of Bloomsburg, received the unexpected windfall when a $1,772.50 deposit into their FNB Bank account magically appeared as $177,250. Police said that instead of alerting the bank, they "withdrew the money, quit their jobs" and did a disappearing act.

Mr Pratt told the Bloomsburg Press Enterprise he "did attempt to ask the bank what happened, but was ignored". He described the money as "a gift from God", and insisted they'd given thousands of bucks away, including $25k to "a Florida church shelter for the homeless".

The couple now face trial in Columbia County Court on felony theft and conspiracy charges. A judge was less than impressed with the divine intervention defence, and refused to demonstrate Christian charity by lowering Randy Pratt's $100,000 bail.

His wife, though, is out on unsecured bail, having told the court she's "estranged from her husband". ®

Bootnote

Yeah, we know what you're thinking - only a couple of complete Pratts would run off with just $177k. Personally, I'm thinking that an error of $500k+ would see me straight on a plane to Rio de Janeiro.

Posted by Blimmer @ 6:06 am EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

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